An elderly man tells his wife that he's signing up for social security. She says, "You can't do that, you lost your birth certificate."

He says, "Oh, I'll talk them into it."

So when he returns the next day, he smiles and says, "I'm all signed up and there were no problems."

"Well, how did you do that?" she asks.

He replies, "I took off my shirt and showed her all the gray hair on my chest, and then showed her all the gray hair on my head."

His wife states, "Well, why didn't you drop your pants, we could have gotten disability!"

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
Michael Pritchard

A certain man asked the famous Mulla Nasrudin, "What is the meaning of fate, Mulla?"

Mulla replied, "Assumptions."

"In what way?" the man asked again.

Mulla looked at him and said, "You assume things are going to go well, and they don't - that you call bad luck. You assume things are going to go badly and they don't - that you call good luck. You assume that certain things are going to happen or not happen - and you so lack intuition that you don't know what is going to happen. You assume that the future is unknown. When you are caught out - you call that Fate."