From Rudedog367!
So Bill Clinton and Al Gore are talking one day and Bill says...."you know Al, me and Hillary have not had good sex in such a long time....I wonder what I could do to fix this problem"
Al Gore responds," well you know Bill me and Tipper used to have the same problem till we saw a marriage counselor who told us that maybe finding a consenting couple that we know well and swaping partners would be a sure way to get some fire back in the bedroom.."
"what a good idea" said Bill, "are you thinking what I'm thinking?do you think
our wives would go for it?"
"I think so" said Al with a mischievious look on his face......
so they swapped partners for one night of unbridled passion, no punches
pulled-anything-goes type of sex........
Next morning Bill says to Al "so how do you think it went for Hillary and
Tipper?"

HOW WILL YOU VOTE?
It is time to elect a world leader, and your vote counts. Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates.

Candidate A: associates with ward heelers and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He chain smokes and drinks 8
to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B: was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of brandy every evening.

Candidate C: is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any illicit affairs.

Which of these candidates is your choice??

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt

Candidate B is Winston Churchill

Candidate C is Adolf Hitler

The President's letter to John Hinckley:
Sent in by MRITESLA!
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington D.C.

Dear John,

Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your
recovery. In our Country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus
of compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land.

Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man, and at that time I'll consider a full pardon.

Best wishes,

Bill Clinton

P.S. Ken Starr is screwing Jodie Foster.

Letters to Dear Bill
Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body, God bless you in this time of trial.
Jimmy Carter

Dear Bill:
OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a fox. What's more, I want to say this to the American people. Unlike you I HAD a relationship with that woman!
Gary Hart

My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
Hugh Grant

Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you!!
Mayor Marion Berry

Dear Bill:
Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back on TV for the fall.
Marv Albert

Dear Mr. President:
You may have noticed that I've been opposing the impeachment bandwagon on you behalf. This is a way of showing my gratitude for creating the greates pick-up line in years, namely that oral copulation doesn't constitute sex. Just today I have already used it successfully four times and it's not even 10:00 A.M. Warm personal regards,
Barney Frank

Dear Bill:
Hang in there, pal! By the way, Kathie Lee sends Hillary her regards and invites her to come on her show anytime.
Frank Gifford

Dear Mr. President:
Now I'm on the Supreme Court. I'm here for life! And there's nothing anyone can do about it!! So there!
Justice Clarence Thomas

Dear Former Worthy Opponent:
Whoo, Boy! All I can say is, Bob Dole would never have gotten himself into this mess. Not Bob Dole! Not before Viagra, anyway!
Bob Dole

Dear Mr. President:
I think it's terrible what they are doing to you, and I want you to know that if you need to get away form it all, you're welcome to bring Buddy and stay with me on my Wonderland Ranch for as long as you want. I'll move the Cub Scout Pack to a tent on the lawn and you can have their room.
Michael Jackson

Dear Fellow Sinner:
Jesus forgives you and so do I.
Rev. Jimmy Swaggart

Dear Bill:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Jim Bakker
P.S. Jessica sends regards and wants to get together with you sometime.

Dear Bill:
Next time ( if there is a next time), don't let them get you on tape. Big mistake! With sympathy,
Rob Lowe

Dear Bill
I know things look bad ofr you now, but take it from me -the American public is very forgiving and one day it will all be just water under the bridge.
Regards,
Senator Edward Kennedy

Dear Bill:
Things were grim for a while, but now it looks like I might actually manage to marry my darling Camilla, and someday I'll be King! Funny how life turns out. So keep a stiff upper lip! (And relax everything else, haha! And they say I don't have a sense of humor). As we British say, keep your pecker up!!
HRH Charles Windsor, Prince of Wales

Dear Mr. President:
We invite you to be the cover subject or our next issue.
Editor, Cigar magazine

Government Organization
A government organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around, some simply just idling.

The monkeys on top look down
and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up
and see nothing but assholes

New Mastercard Commercial for Men Only (sent in by Boyle!)
Cover charge: $15.00
Round of drinks: $23.00
Table dance: $30.00
Another round of drinks: $23.00
Couch dance and tips: $50.00
A round of shots: $34.00
Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00

Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain?
Priceless!

There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.

Chef Talk
Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and...'"

Moo!
From Lisa0063!
The other day, while I was seeing my shrink,   he asked me what I looked for in a woman.

Naturally I replied, "Big tits."

He said, "No, I meant for a serious relationship."

So I said, "Oh, seriously big tits."

"No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in  the one woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?"

He looked at me kind of worried as I just sat there on his couch laughing until my gut hurt. "Spend the rest of my life with one woman?
No woman's tits are that big."

The Genie

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one - none of that three wishes jazz, OK?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."

The genie was taken aback a bit, but after some thought said, "No, I don't think I can do that; think about the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement and steal and concrete that would be needed. I'm sorry, you will have to choose another wish."

The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why do they get upset at us so easily, what are their true desires and needs? Basically...what makes them tick?!?"

The genie stared at him and blinked a couple times. "So, do you want two lanes or four?"