Surgical Patients
 
Four doctors who hadn't seen each other since their surgical residencies met at a medical seminar. Adjourning for dinner and drinks, they started talking about what makes a good surgical patient.

The first said, "Electrical engineers, because you open 'em up and everything is color-coded."

"Nah," said the second. "It's librarians. You open 'em up and everything is alphabetized."

The third scoffed. "Of course not," he said. "It's accountants. You open 'em up and everything is numbered."

"Lawyers," said the fourth, with a shake of his head. "It's lawyers, you idiots! No heart, no guts, no spine, and the ass and the brain are interchangeable."

TOILET HUMOR

Embarrassingly Funny!




I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a rest
stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat
embarrassedly: "Doin Just Fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too
bizarre so I say: "Uhhh I'm like you, just traveling east!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear
another question.

Can I come over to your place after while?

Ok, this question is just wacky but i figured I could just be polite and end
the conversation.

I tell him, "Well, I have company over so today i s a bad day for me!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...










"LISTEN"

I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps
answering all my questions.

Citi
Bank billed

If you have ever had to deal with a major corporation's customer service
then you will really appreciate this.

My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March
for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late
fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now
was somewhere around $60.00)

I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her
to the credit bureau...maybe both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

CitiBank:"...excuse me .....?"

Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being
dead?"

CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )

CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given )

( After they get the fax. )

CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."

Me: "Oh..."

CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep
billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."

CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"

CitiBank: "That might help."

Me: " ( Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given. )

CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!!"