Citi
Bank billed
If you have ever had to deal with a major corporation's customer service
then you will really appreciate this.
My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March
for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late
fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now
was somewhere around $60.00)
I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."
CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her
to the credit bureau...maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
CitiBank:"...excuse me .....?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being
dead?"
CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given )
( After they get the fax. )
CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."
Me: "Oh..."
CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep
billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."
CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
CitiBank: "That might help."
Me: " ( Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given. )
CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!!"
Saturday, October 11, 2003
Written in sand or on stone
TWO friends were walking through the desert. At some point during the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other on the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying a word, he wrote in the sand: “Today my best friend slapped me on the face.”
They continued walking until they came to an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started to drown, but his friend saved him.
After he had recovered from the ordeal, he wrote on a stone: “Today my best friend saved my life.”
The friend who had slapped then saved him, asked: “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand. But now, you write on a stone. Why?”
The other replied: “When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase the hurt away. But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, so that no wind can ever erase the deed.”
TWO friends were walking through the desert. At some point during the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other on the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying a word, he wrote in the sand: “Today my best friend slapped me on the face.”
They continued walking until they came to an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started to drown, but his friend saved him.
After he had recovered from the ordeal, he wrote on a stone: “Today my best friend saved my life.”
The friend who had slapped then saved him, asked: “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand. But now, you write on a stone. Why?”
The other replied: “When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase the hurt away. But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, so that no wind can ever erase the deed.”
Monday, September 22, 2003
From Rudedog367!
So Bill Clinton and Al Gore are talking one day and Bill says...."you know Al, me and Hillary have not had good sex in such a long time....I wonder what I could do to fix this problem"
Al Gore responds," well you know Bill me and Tipper used to have the same problem till we saw a marriage counselor who told us that maybe finding a consenting couple that we know well and swaping partners would be a sure way to get some fire back in the bedroom.."
"what a good idea" said Bill, "are you thinking what I'm thinking?do you think
our wives would go for it?"
"I think so" said Al with a mischievious look on his face......
so they swapped partners for one night of unbridled passion, no punches
pulled-anything-goes type of sex........
Next morning Bill says to Al "so how do you think it went for Hillary and
Tipper?"
HOW WILL YOU VOTE?
It is time to elect a world leader, and your vote counts. Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates.
Candidate A: associates with ward heelers and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He chain smokes and drinks 8
to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of brandy every evening.
Candidate C: is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any illicit affairs.
Which of these candidates is your choice??
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolf Hitler
The President's letter to John Hinckley:
Sent in by MRITESLA!
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington D.C.
Dear John,
Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your
recovery. In our Country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus
of compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land.
Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man, and at that time I'll consider a full pardon.
Best wishes,
Bill Clinton
P.S. Ken Starr is screwing Jodie Foster.
Letters to Dear Bill
Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body, God bless you in this time of trial.
Jimmy Carter
Dear Bill:
OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a fox. What's more, I want to say this to the American people. Unlike you I HAD a relationship with that woman!
Gary Hart
My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
Hugh Grant
Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you!!
Mayor Marion Berry
Dear Bill:
Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back on TV for the fall.
Marv Albert
Dear Mr. President:
You may have noticed that I've been opposing the impeachment bandwagon on you behalf. This is a way of showing my gratitude for creating the greates pick-up line in years, namely that oral copulation doesn't constitute sex. Just today I have already used it successfully four times and it's not even 10:00 A.M. Warm personal regards,
Barney Frank
Dear Bill:
Hang in there, pal! By the way, Kathie Lee sends Hillary her regards and invites her to come on her show anytime.
Frank Gifford
Dear Mr. President:
Now I'm on the Supreme Court. I'm here for life! And there's nothing anyone can do about it!! So there!
Justice Clarence Thomas
Dear Former Worthy Opponent:
Whoo, Boy! All I can say is, Bob Dole would never have gotten himself into this mess. Not Bob Dole! Not before Viagra, anyway!
Bob Dole
Dear Mr. President:
I think it's terrible what they are doing to you, and I want you to know that if you need to get away form it all, you're welcome to bring Buddy and stay with me on my Wonderland Ranch for as long as you want. I'll move the Cub Scout Pack to a tent on the lawn and you can have their room.
Michael Jackson
Dear Fellow Sinner:
Jesus forgives you and so do I.
Rev. Jimmy Swaggart
Dear Bill:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Jim Bakker
P.S. Jessica sends regards and wants to get together with you sometime.
Dear Bill:
Next time ( if there is a next time), don't let them get you on tape. Big mistake! With sympathy,
Rob Lowe
Dear Bill
I know things look bad ofr you now, but take it from me -the American public is very forgiving and one day it will all be just water under the bridge.
Regards,
Senator Edward Kennedy
Dear Bill:
Things were grim for a while, but now it looks like I might actually manage to marry my darling Camilla, and someday I'll be King! Funny how life turns out. So keep a stiff upper lip! (And relax everything else, haha! And they say I don't have a sense of humor). As we British say, keep your pecker up!!
HRH Charles Windsor, Prince of Wales
Dear Mr. President:
We invite you to be the cover subject or our next issue.
Editor, Cigar magazine
Government Organization
A government organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around, some simply just idling.
The monkeys on top look down
and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up
and see nothing but assholes
So Bill Clinton and Al Gore are talking one day and Bill says...."you know Al, me and Hillary have not had good sex in such a long time....I wonder what I could do to fix this problem"
Al Gore responds," well you know Bill me and Tipper used to have the same problem till we saw a marriage counselor who told us that maybe finding a consenting couple that we know well and swaping partners would be a sure way to get some fire back in the bedroom.."
"what a good idea" said Bill, "are you thinking what I'm thinking?do you think
our wives would go for it?"
"I think so" said Al with a mischievious look on his face......
so they swapped partners for one night of unbridled passion, no punches
pulled-anything-goes type of sex........
Next morning Bill says to Al "so how do you think it went for Hillary and
Tipper?"
HOW WILL YOU VOTE?
It is time to elect a world leader, and your vote counts. Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates.
Candidate A: associates with ward heelers and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He chain smokes and drinks 8
to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of brandy every evening.
Candidate C: is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any illicit affairs.
Which of these candidates is your choice??
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolf Hitler
The President's letter to John Hinckley:
Sent in by MRITESLA!
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington D.C.
Dear John,
Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your
recovery. In our Country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus
of compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land.
Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man, and at that time I'll consider a full pardon.
Best wishes,
Bill Clinton
P.S. Ken Starr is screwing Jodie Foster.
Letters to Dear Bill
Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body, God bless you in this time of trial.
Jimmy Carter
Dear Bill:
OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a fox. What's more, I want to say this to the American people. Unlike you I HAD a relationship with that woman!
Gary Hart
My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
Hugh Grant
Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you!!
Mayor Marion Berry
Dear Bill:
Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back on TV for the fall.
Marv Albert
Dear Mr. President:
You may have noticed that I've been opposing the impeachment bandwagon on you behalf. This is a way of showing my gratitude for creating the greates pick-up line in years, namely that oral copulation doesn't constitute sex. Just today I have already used it successfully four times and it's not even 10:00 A.M. Warm personal regards,
Barney Frank
Dear Bill:
Hang in there, pal! By the way, Kathie Lee sends Hillary her regards and invites her to come on her show anytime.
Frank Gifford
Dear Mr. President:
Now I'm on the Supreme Court. I'm here for life! And there's nothing anyone can do about it!! So there!
Justice Clarence Thomas
Dear Former Worthy Opponent:
Whoo, Boy! All I can say is, Bob Dole would never have gotten himself into this mess. Not Bob Dole! Not before Viagra, anyway!
Bob Dole
Dear Mr. President:
I think it's terrible what they are doing to you, and I want you to know that if you need to get away form it all, you're welcome to bring Buddy and stay with me on my Wonderland Ranch for as long as you want. I'll move the Cub Scout Pack to a tent on the lawn and you can have their room.
Michael Jackson
Dear Fellow Sinner:
Jesus forgives you and so do I.
Rev. Jimmy Swaggart
Dear Bill:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Jim Bakker
P.S. Jessica sends regards and wants to get together with you sometime.
Dear Bill:
Next time ( if there is a next time), don't let them get you on tape. Big mistake! With sympathy,
Rob Lowe
Dear Bill
I know things look bad ofr you now, but take it from me -the American public is very forgiving and one day it will all be just water under the bridge.
Regards,
Senator Edward Kennedy
Dear Bill:
Things were grim for a while, but now it looks like I might actually manage to marry my darling Camilla, and someday I'll be King! Funny how life turns out. So keep a stiff upper lip! (And relax everything else, haha! And they say I don't have a sense of humor). As we British say, keep your pecker up!!
HRH Charles Windsor, Prince of Wales
Dear Mr. President:
We invite you to be the cover subject or our next issue.
Editor, Cigar magazine
Government Organization
A government organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around, some simply just idling.
The monkeys on top look down
and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up
and see nothing but assholes
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)