WHO IN THE WORLD UNDERSTANDS MEN?

It's not so complicated!
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are pigs.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!
The men who never make the first move automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

An elderly man tells his wife that he's signing up for social security. She says, "You can't do that, you lost your birth certificate."

He says, "Oh, I'll talk them into it."

So when he returns the next day, he smiles and says, "I'm all signed up and there were no problems."

"Well, how did you do that?" she asks.

He replies, "I took off my shirt and showed her all the gray hair on my chest, and then showed her all the gray hair on my head."

His wife states, "Well, why didn't you drop your pants, we could have gotten disability!"

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
Michael Pritchard