TOILET HUMOR

Embarrassingly Funny!




I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a rest
stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat
embarrassedly: "Doin Just Fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too
bizarre so I say: "Uhhh I'm like you, just traveling east!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear
another question.

Can I come over to your place after while?

Ok, this question is just wacky but i figured I could just be polite and end
the conversation.

I tell him, "Well, I have company over so today i s a bad day for me!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...










"LISTEN"

I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps
answering all my questions.

Citi
Bank billed

If you have ever had to deal with a major corporation's customer service
then you will really appreciate this.

My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March
for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late
fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now
was somewhere around $60.00)

I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her
to the credit bureau...maybe both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

CitiBank:"...excuse me .....?"

Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being
dead?"

CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )

CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given )

( After they get the fax. )

CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."

Me: "Oh..."

CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep
billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."

CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"

CitiBank: "That might help."

Me: " ( Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given. )

CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!!"

Written in sand or on stone



TWO friends were walking through the desert. At some point during the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other on the face. 

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying a word, he wrote in the sand: “Today my best friend slapped me on the face.” 

They continued walking until they came to an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started to drown, but his friend saved him. 

After he had recovered from the ordeal, he wrote on a stone: “Today my best friend saved my life.”  

The friend who had slapped then saved him, asked: “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand. But now, you write on a stone. Why?”  

The other replied: “When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase the hurt away. But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, so that no wind can ever erase the deed.”