One night, after a long hard day at work a politician went home. It was fairly late, around 10:00 p.m.
All of the sudden, a masked man jumped out of the bushes and demanded all the politician's money.
"You can't do that!!" The politician cried. "I'm a politician!"
"Oh," said the masked man, "in that case give me all MY money!!"

"Who Done It"

This s a story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Forget about football for a while, take a break, see what these girls can do.

VOTE FOR YOUR MISS EURO 2004

The menfolk may be doing battle on the field, but another contest rages on the other side of the white lines. Which football nation is represented by the most comely lady? Here, we present 16 luscious females, each of whom has a (very) tenuous link to football and ask: just who has the hottest totty? Click on the pictures to enlarge them and cast your votes now!

My GMAIL Account.

Thanks Azlan. If you want one, hehe...be nice to me. I might be able to help.

Dear Staff,

Please be advised that there are NEW rules and
regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our
company in 2004.

a. TRANSPORTATION:

It is advised that you come to work driving a car
according to your salary. If we see you driving a
Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and
therefore you do not need a raise.

If you drive a 10 years old car or taking public
transportation, we assume that you must have lots of
savings & money therefore you do not need a raise.

If you drive a proton, you are right where you need to
be and therefore you do not need a raise too.


b. ANNUAL LEAVE:

Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a
year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.


c. LUNCH BREAK:

1) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need
to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get
a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a
diet pill.

d. SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor? Is MC Cert proof of
sickness?. No. If you are able to go to the doctor,
you are able to come to work.


e. TOILET USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the
cubicles. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door
will open and a picture will be taken.

After your second offence, your picture will be posted
on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic
Offenders" category.

f. SURGERY:

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your
organs. You should not consider removing anything. We
hired you intact. To have something removed
constitutes a breach of employment.

g. INTERNET USAGE

All personal internet usage will be recorded and
charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and
if we decide not to give you any, charges will be
deducted from your salary. (note: RM2.00 per minute).
Just for the record, 73% of the staff will not be
entitle for any salary for the next 3 months as their
internet charges has exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation,
consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day.



The Director

Men's Rules

Finally, the guys side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends give you.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

WHO IN THE WORLD UNDERSTANDS MEN?

It's not so complicated!
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are pigs.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!
The men who never make the first move automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

An elderly man tells his wife that he's signing up for social security. She says, "You can't do that, you lost your birth certificate."

He says, "Oh, I'll talk them into it."

So when he returns the next day, he smiles and says, "I'm all signed up and there were no problems."

"Well, how did you do that?" she asks.

He replies, "I took off my shirt and showed her all the gray hair on my chest, and then showed her all the gray hair on my head."

His wife states, "Well, why didn't you drop your pants, we could have gotten disability!"

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
Michael Pritchard